Tuesday, 27 June 2017

Paranoid Personality Disorder - defiant.



Now, Paranoid Personality Disorder.
I realised I didn't write much sbout it, or a add words or songs so if you do t mind I'd like to do it now and maybe another post.
Firstly it's Malignant Personality,malthough I have parts of all the subtypes. What I know is:
They are  perhaps the hardest to work with. . The world is against them....sadistic features!!!! ..they are categorised by hostility, .wwith baligerent, callous attitude. Hot tempered, unsympathetic.
A malicious view if the world, apt to persecutary delusions. 
They are afraid that those around them wish to harm them some way.
It is no surprise the malignant paranoid respond with hostility towards the world
It's likely long, detailed fantasises about. Committing violent crimes against those They 
they imagine to have perpetrated them."
There you go, theyve decided that's me! I am not dangerous, except for verbal daggers!! 


Well In my teens I found a magical way to "be one them". I don't know if it was somehow narcissistic, empathetic, desperate to be wanted or acknowledged or worthy.
But I could do it. I don't wish to be like anyone anymore, so I never try to fit in.


Here:
Think of me as programmable soda 
Too much cherry?
Then you just add cola
Think of me as programmable soda 
Ok then, I'll back off the vanilla!
Think of me as programmable soda
Because I've come to accept that for lovelies ,  you are a fanatic
But I mustn't let that throw me into a genital panic
You think of me as programmable soda

Too much cherry? Then you can just add cola
You think of me as programmable soda,
when you think, and boy, when you drink,
When you think of me.....

See? Sometimes I'm a robot.



Songs that describe me and all of us with dual diagnoses.


"You only have to look behind you at who has underlined you"

I am someone easy to leave
Even easier to forget
A voice. If inaccurate.

Again I'm the on they all run from
Diatribes of clouded sun
Someone help me find the pause button.

All these tapes in my head
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts/ voices in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc.

I'm too exhausting to be loved
A volitiile chemical
Best to quarantine and cut off

To my friends, a thorn in your beautiful side
You are better off without me
It'd be best to leave at once

This is what I feel and hear daily, it's sad but it's true for us with this illness







Story of my life! (FOr my lovely Mum)







A beautiful version of the  song that most of us can relate to, unrequited tunnel vision of love, we get 
this a lot, we can like/love somebody but they use you then they have a whore instead!!
I'm glad I'm  Not married, they say if you do we become paranoid about fidelity.





Everything is open, nothing is set in stone
Rivers turn to ocean
Oceans tide you home
Home is where the heart is
But your heart had to roam 
Drifting over bridges  watching bridges burn,
Never to return.
You're driftwood floating underwater 
Breaking into pieces
Just driftwood, hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you, bind you, grind you.
And you really didn't think it would happen 
But it really is the end of the line
So, I'm sorry that you turned to driftwood, but you've been drifting for a long, long time....






This songs feeds into my paranoia, I've read about serial killers and I think the reason I am not keen on beverages from anyone is Crippen!
Now did I tell you about my anxiety attack I had in hospital recently? I worked myself up into a state for something or nothing and found my limbs were uncontrollable  like the amad Cow Disease! (You can laugh!) had to do breathing exercises and take phenegan to calm my body. I thought I had been poisoned!!!






Still Believe!! (sexy sax man!)






My drug is music.


Now.....fun!!!



"IF you don't li,e Ace of Base..you're madder than me!!"

"I'm never gonna say I'm sorry for the essence of my soul"
"I'm not normal, I know it, I don't care"
















I'm not into any religion apart from Christisnity, I just love this song!
Mind you, my mother and I watch paranormal shows with interest,



Another post soon!


LO
ove and friendship songs etc in next post soon!

Xxx


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