Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Hymne a L'mour I'm me again! 4

So a funny thing happened one night. I went into town to drink (I don't drink now) and I went everywhere. Then I thought I'd go into the offy and buy some cheap wine. After a queue w young lady was serving me, she took me to one side and said she will sell them, but had I heard of Jesus Christ. I said yes but I don't know what to do. She asked in front of the whole bunch of people and her managers if she could pray for me. I was stunned. I felt she must think I'm actually worthy. She did as she touched me and said her prayer for me out loud. 
This was the beginning. Although not at once, but soon.
We moved to England and even though I wants to be normal I knew I wasn't.
My cutting was alsways superficial, but after a while some were not. I felt peace when I did it.
I know I was raged, and as I don't take deep things out on people, I punished myself. I would be a good girl an wrap my arm and legs up and I would put salt water on my tummy.
This song describes these as "pink ribbon scars" and they are when you feel it, but I regret the damage I caused myself as one arm is very noticeable. But after you've stopped the deep scars are shame to you. However I see them as a memorial to my past.

So of course hospitalisation . Many times.

Eventually we unexpectedly reconnected with our cousin Raymond who put me in touch with a local minister called Alison, she is an amazing friend and I miss her. But she baptised me and I'll never forget.
Of course I'm still "unwell" but I start to feel a light at the end of the tunnel.

Moving along, I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. I hadn't really thought of that, I thought I was just messed up. But - thinking of it my feelings went from the next song to the other in a heartbeat until I was prescribed with lithium.

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