Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Perfect fireworks

We are! Maybe sometimes we don't see it, and when those times occur we feel worthless, maybe store up pills or cut, whatever we do, life is hard at times but can be beautiful, too. We need to find in ourselves (a lot of times with the help of professionals and p/close friends who, when we are not
closed down, can help us tremendously.
Yesterday, I was discharged from the HTT and handed back to the care of my care coordinator or cpn 
as I refer to her. It was a great meeting. The man that came with Jackie, I have no recollection of but I 
had met him before, I don't know where, but it's safe to say I wasn't in my right mind then. 
They said to see me from where I was before my od to where I am now "is brilliant"!!! I felt great
hearing that, and bows the time to fully acknowledge the help of the HTT. They would come out daily for what seemed a long time, the first few meetings I don't remember. Or not very well, then a psychiatrist came and gave me a choice on what two meds I could take instead of Olanzapine and Trazadone . I chose Duloxotine and Quetiapine, not that I really knew what it all meant, but they have helped greatly. The whole team did. I feel ready for what's ahead, I'll be seeing a GP soon to get a gym pass, and I will be looking to join groups, hopefully the WI next month! Yes! Laugh all you want about these things but I need and want them, 
I believe this is the first time in years where thoughts of suicide hasn't popped into my head, no longer am I having days or weeks or months of it, not even a split second, bar the thought sof how I no longer want to commit suicide. 
You can feel this way too, I'm not bouncing with happiness or down as low as you can go anymore. I see a future, I don't know what it holds, but at least I know the choice to live is better and so can you
if you don't feel it now. Are you under the care of the mental health system? Have you thought of being referred? Maybe it's time you do, because miracles do happen. You may think it's a miracle but

for me it was God, the HTT, my CPN for realising I needed big help yet knowing The Lakes wouldn't have be conducive, the meds, my friends. 
Now the gym and meeting people will be another start to the new me I was always meant to be. I add a few songs, some have simple lyrics but the messages are clear, we can let our colours burts and we are not less than perfect. The other song, is not about burning down houses or any relationship, other than the relationship I had with myself, and getting rid of it, burning it down.

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