I want to start this post the right way, and the All Apologies video is dedicated to the church "friends" who ignored me at the Halstead Fete today.
Personally, those people who know me, but chose to ignore me today, the ones so called religious but it's only a front to be popular, thank you. Thank you for showing me I don't need you, never did and hopefully never will. Christians can be the most hypocritical people in the world, I know I'm a hypocrite in many ways but I'm loyal to my friends wherever they are, and deep down I'm a good person. Just because a minister didn't like me confessing to once dabbling in the occult (he asked the door of his office to be kept open...in case I claimed rape? Or in case I appear like such scum that I'd attack him? Still pondering that, as are some parishioners) it seems because I have been too ill mentally to go to church, or even go out, that it's fair game to think I am not worthy.
But like I said, thank you. It could have went either way, I could be sad and cry that these people dumped me because my face doesn't fit, or whatever they've heard, but the truth is, as I've just realised, it's no loss to me if you chose to wash your hands of me, I'm lovable, I'm weird, I'm loyal and find it a blessing that fair weather friends decide to leave me.
I can rejoice in my weirdness, not my mental illnesses, but my non conformity and actually be proud of who I am.
I'm not a superstar, nor do I want to be, but for those of us who love Nirvana and 'get' what this song really means, then enjoy as this is a song for those who think I'm less of a person because I pulled my hair out when psychotic last year.....just know this, I'm on my way to being on the mend and life goes on for me. I'm making new friends from the. Halstead Hermit Facebook page, friends who take me for who I am. I even still have 2 friends at church who learn about mental illness through me, they say. And that's what counts. Truest friends I know and meet or friends online who I wish I could meet but may not, yet we love each other the way we are. All flaws included.
I don't belong, and if you don't join me on The Lunatic Express, as Tori Amos would say.
Raise your glass! You're different but in a better way than them, whoever they are.
You are unique and even if I don't know you, I love you and accept you for who you are. So accept yourself, please. I learned that today in a harsh lesson but one I needed to learn.
"What else can I say? Everyone is gay".