Wednesday, 27 January 2016

I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale

So today I've had to say goodbye to someone I used to like. Kind as the person can be, the mental health system can be cruel. 
They understand mental illness but not physical illness, it occurred to me today when I received what I believe was a harsh voicemail. 
"Do you still need to see a support worker since you haven't seen one in 6 weeks?".
They know full well I've been ill physically for a year undiagnosed. I've seen them more often than not, even when I spent a fortnight without eating absolutely anything.
Then when my physical pain got too much, combined with some embarrassing symptoms that I refuse to mention here just yet, are they thinking "it's physical but who cares we can get rid of her and add others to our books"? 
It felt like a huge slap in the face and rejection, potential abandonment and a total lack of empathy from them. 
So I rang them back! Told the person in question how I'd like to see a different person altogether, hopefully this one will not make promises they don't intend to keep or tell me to wear fancy knickers.
I'm sick of the lot of them right now. 
Now I do understand that under the new crappy nhs regulations seeing your cpn more than 12 times a year is practically impossible, but I hope she will contact me soon as I don't want to lose her. 
But as for the person who has upset me, pressure comes in all forms, not only mental.
And the lyrics to this video describes what I mean by that statement.
Good on you all, the people who are able to cope better with physical pain that's there constantly.
I adore you as much as I do with all my fellow friends and readers who experience mental health issues too. I'm trying hard not to give up right now.
Love to you all. Lizzie xxx

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Your second wind

Recently my personal life took a dive even though there were good times, they were outweighed by the bad.
Today my mum he
Ad her eye operation and had a huge smile on her face as she returned, even posed for a funny picture  with her eye patch, despite feeling the pressure as the anaesthetic wears off. 
The pic is below.
I've been watching a lot of Joyce Meyer and today's episode spoke to me.
I can't carry old burdens or wonder why people are better off than I am right now. Because mum, she is a star. I take inspiration from her.
If she can smile through the pain, so can I. 
So can you. The song above is about suicide and I've chosen not to put up the official video as, to be fair, when one is feeling that low, parts of it do no good to ease you from your pain.
But the melody and lyrics make more sense when you are recovering from feel a bit better in yourself.
I recently downloaded Billy Joel's greatest hits so you may expect more in the future!
I'd put Downeaster Alexa but I doubt my next post will have anything to do with the having no luck at Swordfishing?!
Have a great day!

Monday, 11 January 2016

Moondust will cover you (Hallo Spaceboy)

Bye bye love, Hallo Spaceboy.

Well I can't believe it, The man who influenced music, and influenced people, the legend that is David Bowie died today.
The innovator, he changed my life the day I heard Jump They Say and immediately I knew the not so hidden meaning and I've often listened to that song during my "episodes". Anyone else found that song appealing?
Next came listening to his Greatest Hits, and it's hard to talk about this musical genius in the past tense, isn't it? 
So I'm not going to do a thousand paragraph thesis on how it's the end of an era, 
I'll just leave you with this video, 
Thank you, Spaceboy.

Saturday, 2 January 2016

All I Really Want

Happy New Year!
It's been one hell of a ride for a lot of us. 
For me, a journey with never ending twists and turns, good decisions, poor ones, making new friends from the HH fb page, including two who were kind enough to invite me to the locals Christmas Eve bash, and two friends from The Lakes who have enriched my life and I hope to enrich theirs in the future, too. 
Right now I'm going through some physical problems, gallbladder and possibly kidney problems, so I can't say I feel at my best right this moment. Waiting for a scan next week or week after.
But I've been thinking of songs when awake, and can only think of one that sums up what I want.
This song includes a lot.
I could only add to keep friends with everyone from HH and people who know me, and for better health.
AND that every reader has the best year so far.
All  I Really Want (acoustic) is the not so tough, harsh, angry version of the original. The contrast makes a statement between how our emotions can change even when occasionally what we want remains.
I feel this version better. Slicker, and more impactful without 'the angry voice'.

Me, I wish you all the happiness you deserve -and you do deserve it. Even when that voice inside you says you don't deserve happiness, tell it back you sure do!

Lizzie xx
I can't get the video to play on the website so here is the link!