Saturday, 27 June 2015

You're in the front row with popcorn

So now, as the article from the Halstead Gazette has been put online, my anonymity is gone, and it's actually a relief. Because now people can see  that we, the 'crazy' ones are not so crazy, but just "a little unwell".
Sometimes we don't take care of our appearance, I've been known not to wash my hair for weeks because there was no motivation. Not laziness, but just thinking I'm not worth it, what's the point,  and I hate myself. I'm also known to dress like a 'dag'. In fact the only bright part of me when I am depressed are my multicoloured fluffy socks and soon, my scarf for winter.
Have you ever felt like staying in bed all day? 
We feel that, only not as a pleasurable experience doing nothing but sleep. We can lie there for hours upon hours, overthinking and full of despair.
sometimes we can get used to that also though, and become complacent in staying in rut. 
It's not our fault!!!!
It's not your fault.
We need people to care for us,and here in Halstead,my sunny polite personality to people, it's occasionally noticeable when I am low. a bandaged arm is one giveaway.
Yet people here are so kind and will ask us how we are, and some will just smile, and change my day into a good one.
Now what I am going to tell you, please don't take offence.
But these posts on my website won't always be joyful,mor full of the joys of spring.
When I get low, or see things (other than cats that I see constantly) I can become so low it may get to you.
But my close friends and family don't give up on me, they may give me space but they wait patiently (though desperately) for the storm to pass.mtheynknow deep down there is the rea me, where I am not unwell.
If you see us mumbling at ourselves, a simple "hello" or, like I said before, a smile, they can be enough to bring us out of the pain even momentarily. And that, my friends, makes you a kind soul.
Here is a song that may sound depressing, but it perfectly describes me when I am ill, but the quote abound, and the song below describes my mental statesmen in a crisis, or a breakdown,
I urgently to listen and take in the message. 
Don't think of this as a sad song, it's one of hope she people do wait to see how we used to be.


  1. You took a big step by allowing your blog to be part of a article in your local gazette. You have taken an even bigger step with the writings in your blog :), I like to think I am kind soul and treat everyone no matter their race, religion, or diagnosis, with respect and true kindness. Have a wonderful day.

    1. Thank you so much MonicaJaye! I hope you'll read here every so often as I will read your blog too! Have a great day! Xx